Enter the Lawyer

Raven said, "You can't get anywhere in Hollywood without a lawyer.  Forget about an agent, girl, you need a lawyer!  And I have just the one for you."

She gave me a name and number.  "Now, I'll call him and tell him I've referred you; and that he can expect your call.  He's good people.  Hey - and stay in touch with me.  I want to see what happens."

What an angel.

So I did call him.  The next day.  I heard a crusty, curmudgeon's voice on the other end of the line:  "You're WHO?  How did you get my name?"  I told him.  "Oh, yeah.  She did call me.  What is it you want from me?"

I parroted back what Raven had told me:  "I've been told that to submit even a pitch letter to a studio or a production company it needs to have an entertainment lawyer's letter of introduction.  I'd like to retain (insert a big internal GULP right here) you to represent me for my screenplay submissions."

I will call him E.L.  He said, "Well now, you just wait a minute.  I have a name and a reputation in the entertainment industry and I just don't tie my name to anything anyone wants to submit!  And I damn sure don't do it for FREE or for CHEAP, either...WHO did you say you were?  How many screenplays have you written?  Any been made into movies?"  He was firing questions off at me like a machine gun.

But I couldn't help but get tickled.  Nothing ventured, nothing gained.  I fired right back:  "Well sugar, I don't expect you to work for free.  Everybody's got to earn a living somehow, now don't they?"

This seemed to take him by surprise because there was a pause in the machine gun fire.

EL:  "Do you even have a treatment for your screenplay?"

Me:  "I DO have a treatment.  Would you like to read it?"

EL:  (grumble) "Yah.  E-mail it to me and I will have a look at it.  If I like it, I MIGHT call you back."

I e-mailed it to him and went to off clean the toilet. (Hey, I multi-task!)

Ten minutes later the phone rang.  It was E.L...